This happens!

Today, started with the rain.

And, I reached the office without my spectacles.

To start the story (every story has a back story), I forgot my glasses. Neehal was sitting in the passenger seat, while I started to drive. When I reached the end of my street (yes, it wasn’t far), I blurted “Damn! I forgot my glasses.” This was followed by silence and then a half-hearted, “Should we head back”. To which I replied “Nah!”

Now, if only, I could turn back time.. I would be dancing and singing praises to my ancestors. Yes, for making me a God, who had the ability to change time.

Nothing of that happened. This was after all reality. And, in reality, we suck it up and sit on my behinds making the most of things. Humph!

People stared because I was not returning their greeting. Colleagues were muttering because I didn’t see them talking to me while I marched (yes, marched) past them. My so called friends at work even called me names. And, this I suffered while half blind.

Now, it’s not that I am blind. But, I could have been better at spotting and hurling myself out of the way when confronted with the cabinet at the end of my desk. Yes, I do have the makings for a blue and black rugby player. I can’t seem to judge distances and the eye-squinting was becoming funny for some to see. The strain in my eye was reaching its highest level of tolerance. I could have even tolerated ice being shoved down my throat on this even-eskimo-would’nt-rejoice-cold day. Oh, the pleasure of brain freeze would have been a merry dance as compared to this blind daze.

So, here I sit, squinting at the words I type and trying to make the sentences form in my mind before I put it on paper. And, all this while, I can only curse at myself.

And, that’s when it hit me.. I can laugh..

Hey, if you can’t laugh at yourself on this rainy, muggy and oh-it-could-have-been-a-better-day weather, then what can you do, but to say “Damn! Wish I could turn back time”.

Oh! And, did I mention earlier that this is also giving me a hell of a headache.

 

*still squinting while I paste this on my blog*

Miroir.

The last time I checked the mirror, there was still me. Me in a better light, but me that had been forgotten until I turned the page to “finding myself”. I have been a daughter, a sister, a friend and recently, a wife. And, yes, I do love all these roles. But, somewhere, in between trying to fill the gaps and making sure there was no leaf left unturned, I had forgotten to be myself.

I guess, we have all been there and done that! I am sure there are still women out there who are going through these same pangs. But, do we just sit by? Watch the world spin and see the people rolling around in their existent, fulfilling lives. I guess not! There comes a time when it hits you in the face. A time, when you can no longer look at the mirror and not see the blemishes. The spots of disappointments and the stain of sadness, seeping through the core of your existence.

I hate the preachers and the experts. I hate the way that one girl who shouts from the rooftops saying she is fine. I hate the fact that there is one woman on a holiday by herself, writing her joys in her diary. I hate that lady who skips to her tunes and dances the night away. I hate that person who knows what she wants and fights to the end for that one chocolate on the shelf. And, I hate the one who catches herself once she falls through the cracks of heartache and burn.

It’s not that I am a hater. I just hate that all the above are not me. That used to be me. I used to be that somebody. Always wearing a smile and wandering around the lanes of no-turning-backs. I am not lost, but mislead in this street of life. I do thank all the great people in my life - my family, my husband and my friends. I am who I am because of what they said, did and told me.

And, now I need to give back. Go back to that precise moment where I stopped being me. Where I turned away from myself. And, finally go back to reaching for the stars and drawing away the blues. I want to be that girl who can wear a grin and watch the boat leave her island of woes. I want to be that woman who has no cares and wears her dress shorter. I want to be that person who stretches her arms and embraces the one closest to her just to feel their touch. I want to be that being who opens her doors and lets the excitement of new in. And, finally, to be the girl who leaves her sleeves open and turns her collar up, just to let everyone know that she is ready.

It’s time! Yes.

I bring with me this year..

It’s been a year! A year since I have put pen to paper (or, in this case, finger to the keyboard). Some may say I am lazy. Well, if lazy means sitting on my behind and staring into the oblivion, then, so be it.. This shedding light into the white space seems to get more complicated as the minutes, hours, days and months go by. This year, I promise myself (with a deep breath) it will be different. Different not only in the true sense of the word.. but, different in a way, where its own definition needs to be written down in a journal bound by an elastic rubber band of baseless truth, mushy courage and infinite space.

This play with words has indeed made a run for my money. Not that I had any in my bank to begin with. Still, losing something that one didn’t have in the first place is equally disastrous. This business of not jotting down that precise moment where a curse word, loving mention and momentous pause occurred has indeed lead to a void. A year-long void at that.. Where, a book, poem or even a phase could have been built. Finding the right word to fit in this gap has not been very fruitful. Gone are those days where there was a spring in my step and a hop in my thoughts.

I ask myself now.. Why this long gap. And, that’s where a great saying comes to mind – “An Idle Mind Is the Devil's Workshop”. If truth be told, we all do go into this lethargic mode once in a way. This slumber on our hammocks, with the breeze playing faintly with your sand-filled toes and this holiday-mood that seems to takes it time leaving our relaxed mind. And, when such a moment arises, where here I sit at my desk, staring at my oddly-collected pile of postcards, post-it notes and toys, I find a revelation. A revelation that, yes, I do have it in me to complete something. Complete this work which started not so long ago, but which had enough dust covered on it that could make a sage blink his eyes twice.

Yes. This is going to be the year, where I find myself through its pages. Pages filled with dreams, travels, flowers, love.. It may not take a lifetime to find the way, but it could take an hour to fill this blank sheet of paper. I may be half-way there, but there is still that thought in me.. The thought that keeps making an endless scratch on my mind.. Capture Life.

To find joy in a tiny grain of sand, to find love in the dew drops of a petal and to find happiness in the hand that holds the TV remote.  Yes. This.

Travel light, they say..

 

To see the world as is

They say everyone

Can be a traveler,

But, I see the road ahead

Is fit for the one

With the right heart.

 

Walk, sail or fly

You come to a step

Where the turn shows

A path less have travelled

But, look again, and you will

See the footsteps of old.

 

To tread on the lane

Where the rocks and sand

Have a story of its own

To be told when the time

Has come for one to learn

Of what her future holds.

 

Pack light they may say

Carry things that you

Can use to light a fire

But, I say, chose the things

That, show you how to

Make your own world.

Books. Tome.

This space in our minds

Filled with the abundance

Of meaningless doom

Often rescued through the

Kaleidoscope of words & prints.

 

How we hearken through

These pages of wonder

Attempting to escape

From a single world of

Crumbling walls & Seeping paint.

 

The plight of our hands

The blindness seeping in

Wooden expressions forgotten

Bulleting through the maze

The world zeroing in

Our escape.

The Window

Racing down the corridor

Of lost and found love,

The portraits hanging obscurely

Looking down their noses,

For a glimmer of a scene

Lost in the eclipse of time.

A departed sigh

Channeled in its wake,

The chance at serenity

Hanging by a torn thread,

Time held within a gaze

A voice of echoing reason.

Three Months, and how!

Time flies, but for one it soared.

Resonating, at the yester months

I stagger in the awake of what’s

Going to unfold in the depths

Of its unanimous accord.

Stumbling through my endless memories

Of the times gone past

In a jiffy-mode, with the vengeance

It now holds in its hands,

It makes one take notice.

Sitting beside me on a bench

I plunder through the pages

Of a book, still unwritten

Its author, telling her story

Through the thoughts in array.

Reaching for a moment

Not lost in this endless mind

Where we became as One

Promises, Vows, Bonds, Sacred Words

I vouch to uphold You.

You.

 

I sit here and dream,

Dream about the time

Not in the distant future

Do I see my smile?

Smile at the glee

That is you.

Have you ever heard the

Right words said to you

“You complete me.”

As cheesy as it may sound,

I know, it to be true.

What I may try,

May sound less than necessary,

But, there I see in the distance

Your arms open,

Awaiting me to fill in the gap.

Chunky Drama

Drama, they shout.

I reply with a shrug.

How about a dance, I wonder

Would they buy the guile?

I stare at my stoned ring

It seems to hold the reflection

A mirage of a world lost

In its vibrant hue.

My anklet silver twinkles

Winking at my escapades

Sketched by my dreams

Glittering in its stories.

The magnificence of my necklace

Brings in its brilliance

The simple lines of joy

Entwining the element of life.

All these elements ropes in

My drama, be it in life itself.

Say It

You say..

You are a wanderer

You are a gypsy

You are a nomad

Yet you are still here

Looking into the mirror

At the same place

At the same spot

Trying to define “Who you are.”

Yes.

Pie in the Sky

Awakened from my reverie
I look to my right
To see if he would still be
Lying next to me.
To my surprise he was up and about.
The calendar and time did not add up.
It was a Sunday.
Not a good day for fishing.
Bread and marmalade on my mind,
I arise with my eyes still closed 

Rummaging through the room

I stumble upon the door.

Red Velvet cupcakes, was what I dreamt about

Summing up the courage to bake,

I look for the pots and pans.

Wait. No ingredients winked at me

From the cupboards..

Shopping lists and trips had been shunned.

Sigh.  Out goes the plan.

The ringing doorbell broke my trance.

The smell of baked delights hit me,

Square on the stomach.

Lo & behold, there he stood with Cupcakes.

Kissing me, he smiles, holds out the treasure

“Happy anniversary” he confirms.

Stumped for words, I murmur, “U remembered?”

“To save myself the torture.” He mumbled quietly.

I laugh, look up to his eyes with glee,

Snatching the cakes, I start to run.

Chased and caught, he holds me tight and laughs.

His turn to torture my poor soul and pang.

Winking, he holds out his hand and whispers,

“Love me forever.”

I nod, I accept his hand, and laugh out loud.

“You are the best dream in real life”.

Thee Heart

So, finally the news is out! Its time for all to know, I guess, on this public platform. What is there to hide anyway? Soon, all is going to know.. Gosh numerous usage of the word “know”.. Out with it. I am going to get hitched soon. Yey! I can say for sure, as the family “the khandan” has been informed.

Took a lot of effort (read: guts).. actually alcohol would have done the trick. Well, imagine my folks sight if they were to watch me stagger and reveal my “plan for the future” with my boyfriend of 1 year! I wouldn’t have gotten past the threshold. The threshold would have become a full stop.. literally speaking. The silence in the room could have been sliced with a blunt knife. But, heart of heart, I knew my folks wouldn’t disappoint me. They were happy for me and accepted my decision. There were a lot of talk.. which would probably sound dull to your ear. But, to summarize, it went off quite well.

Well, the hard part was done.. but the extended family still needed to be informed. This part was easier said than done.. actually my folks did the “talking”. They revealed all. Some took it well, mostly.. but there were a few who were disappointed. Concerned for my folks, I just sat in the sidelines and behaved like a “good” daughter. I needed their blessings and I still do.

Neehal (my boyfriend-soon-to-be-fiance-soon to-be-husband *snap*) and I were ecstatic. This was not something you can sit down and plan. You never know how the reactions could turn out! It could be compared to bungee jumping.. being swung from a bridge, suspended in mid-air, with a rope attached to your ankles, swinging, breathless, scared-shitless.. But, at the end of the day or night, we were happy. No more hiding, no more sneaking around, no more secrets.. (actually keeping some in our pockets for old times-sake for thrills).

Now, comes the planning.. the wedding and marriage. Not the same thing, is it! Gosh, I can already feel my hair greying more. But, I cant wait to get started, already.. This.. this is what I was waiting for all along. And, boy, can I feel the excitement kicking in.. eeeeekkkkkssssssss..

Hopes, wishes, dreams, all hung up in the air to be breathed in..

Go Wading

Endless horizon, a single colour,

Holding your gaze

Look out and see the bounty unfold.

All around you will view

The profound effect

Swimming in its own shape

Taking the waves as it flows.

Countless forms of silhouettes

Dancing in abandonment

Amongst nature’s splendor.

You look to conquer the fear

Alas, it’s too soon to rejoice

In your false victory.

As you drown

In your own made-up fate

You will be filled with blue.

The Colour Green

I know thou art present

But, I would love to make you flee
Into the unknown, for me not to

Find you ever again.

I beg of you to leave. Sigh.

But, as I turn around, I swallow,

I see you within an arm’s distance

Though I wish you were a continent apart.

I sneeze, I cough, I stagger,

I try to shake you off,

But, you constantly haunt me

Like a love song ready to be sung

At the lips of a true lover.

Leave. Let me be, I shout.

But, it’s heard at a deaf’s ear.

Alas, I have lost all my patience.

The only thing left is to kiss it.

A death’s kiss, they say.

I Heart Chocolate!

Right. It’s been a long enough sabbatical that I have had. I have cheated myself by not jotting down my thoughts in time. You know what they say about time.. Once lost, blah blah blah.. Seems much like our weight, except that it only keeps adding and not subtracting. What would I not give for more self control.. Ah! The world (including me) would be a better place. Think about it.. No greed.

Enough said about “World Peace”.. (Just felt like I attended a training on “How to answer like a Beauty Queen”).. It’s time to get down and dirty (okie, that didn't come out right). My topic for today is Chocolate. The less said the better.. Actually you might put all your energy on eating, devouring, feasting, gobble, relish, etc. etc. etc. You get the drift.
 

I am yet to come across a person who has stated that they “hate” the brown stuff. Being lacto-intolerant doesn’t count. These poor individuals are truly missing out on the true essence of our existence. All I would suggest is to be good in this life, as this could be deciding factor for your after life or re-birth.
 

I am glad for the person who has taken all the effort to help towards the evolution of Chocolate. I just wish I had lived among the Aztecs. Be it any century or civilization or race, Chocolates seems to be in constant existence. I can write the whole bit of Chocolate’s history, but then that would make you lazy. You need to take the interest in reading and researching about something that you love. Actually, I am just being clever here, making you read rather than me typing it.
 

I could write on and on and on for ages for this current topic. But, I rather not. Would like to channelize all my energy towards eating, devouring, feasting, gobble, relish, etc. etc. etc.
 

So, people, instead of reading it time to take action. Run! Walk! Jog! Towards CHOCOLATE. *yum*