This happens!

Today, started with the rain.

And, I reached the office without my spectacles.

To start the story (every story has a back story), I forgot my glasses. Neehal was sitting in the passenger seat, while I started to drive. When I reached the end of my street (yes, it wasn’t far), I blurted “Damn! I forgot my glasses.” This was followed by silence and then a half-hearted, “Should we head back”. To which I replied “Nah!”

Now, if only, I could turn back time.. I would be dancing and singing praises to my ancestors. Yes, for making me a God, who had the ability to change time.

Nothing of that happened. This was after all reality. And, in reality, we suck it up and sit on my behinds making the most of things. Humph!

People stared because I was not returning their greeting. Colleagues were muttering because I didn’t see them talking to me while I marched (yes, marched) past them. My so called friends at work even called me names. And, this I suffered while half blind.

Now, it’s not that I am blind. But, I could have been better at spotting and hurling myself out of the way when confronted with the cabinet at the end of my desk. Yes, I do have the makings for a blue and black rugby player. I can’t seem to judge distances and the eye-squinting was becoming funny for some to see. The strain in my eye was reaching its highest level of tolerance. I could have even tolerated ice being shoved down my throat on this even-eskimo-would’nt-rejoice-cold day. Oh, the pleasure of brain freeze would have been a merry dance as compared to this blind daze.

So, here I sit, squinting at the words I type and trying to make the sentences form in my mind before I put it on paper. And, all this while, I can only curse at myself.

And, that’s when it hit me.. I can laugh..

Hey, if you can’t laugh at yourself on this rainy, muggy and oh-it-could-have-been-a-better-day weather, then what can you do, but to say “Damn! Wish I could turn back time”.

Oh! And, did I mention earlier that this is also giving me a hell of a headache.

 

*still squinting while I paste this on my blog*

Miroir.

The last time I checked the mirror, there was still me. Me in a better light, but me that had been forgotten until I turned the page to “finding myself”. I have been a daughter, a sister, a friend and recently, a wife. And, yes, I do love all these roles. But, somewhere, in between trying to fill the gaps and making sure there was no leaf left unturned, I had forgotten to be myself.

I guess, we have all been there and done that! I am sure there are still women out there who are going through these same pangs. But, do we just sit by? Watch the world spin and see the people rolling around in their existent, fulfilling lives. I guess not! There comes a time when it hits you in the face. A time, when you can no longer look at the mirror and not see the blemishes. The spots of disappointments and the stain of sadness, seeping through the core of your existence.

I hate the preachers and the experts. I hate the way that one girl who shouts from the rooftops saying she is fine. I hate the fact that there is one woman on a holiday by herself, writing her joys in her diary. I hate that lady who skips to her tunes and dances the night away. I hate that person who knows what she wants and fights to the end for that one chocolate on the shelf. And, I hate the one who catches herself once she falls through the cracks of heartache and burn.

It’s not that I am a hater. I just hate that all the above are not me. That used to be me. I used to be that somebody. Always wearing a smile and wandering around the lanes of no-turning-backs. I am not lost, but mislead in this street of life. I do thank all the great people in my life - my family, my husband and my friends. I am who I am because of what they said, did and told me.

And, now I need to give back. Go back to that precise moment where I stopped being me. Where I turned away from myself. And, finally go back to reaching for the stars and drawing away the blues. I want to be that girl who can wear a grin and watch the boat leave her island of woes. I want to be that woman who has no cares and wears her dress shorter. I want to be that person who stretches her arms and embraces the one closest to her just to feel their touch. I want to be that being who opens her doors and lets the excitement of new in. And, finally, to be the girl who leaves her sleeves open and turns her collar up, just to let everyone know that she is ready.

It’s time! Yes.